RUGBY LEAGUE NEWS:
| Never Again | ||
| Written by: tits&tans (Titans) | ||
| January 28th 2010 09:32 PM | ||
I try again, but this time I can only see a blurred outline of what I assume to be the furniture in my room. Actually, I can’t even be sure this is my bed. I don’t remember having red sheets. Where have I ended up? My head is throbbing, and I feel as if I’ve been given a good going over by a champion sumo wrestler. What happened last night? I tenderly feel the swollen egg on my forehead. Ouch. Won’t be touching that again any time soon. I try to shake my head to remove the mist that's currently encasing my brain, but it won’t budge. I try to pull the covers over my head to block out the piercing light that is streaming into the room, but it’s then that I receive a deep, loud warning from my shoulder region. Why would my shoulders hurt? What did happen last night? I gingerly lift my arm to check just how screwed up my nose actually is, because it feels like it has been pummeled by a gorilla. As my fingers brush the tip of my nose, my head explodes in a lightning storm of pain. I think it may be a little broken. Was there a brawl last night? I slowly lift my head off the pillow, looking for the ringing noise that awakened me. Nothing. I can’t see any phones. It’s not the doorbell. There are no lights on the stereo over there. Where is the noise? It takes a few minutes for my addled brain to realise that the noise may well be on the inside. As I selectively focus on the ringing, a deeper, more worrisome sensation emanates from down below. My blood runs cold as I make the connection between the feeling and the anatomical position of its source. Not there, please no. I think I recognise the feeling. Something related to overindulgence and pleasure perhaps? Is there a darker side to this? Something related to overuse? Tentatively I explore the nether region, half-dreading what I may find. Encrustation? Stickiness? Isn’t that contradictory? I decide that’s way too much information. I slowly extend my right arm, flexing my fingers - are they all there? My fingertips brush against a body. What did I do last night? I quickly twist my neck to see who the hell might be lying there. More lightning bolts! Crikey, my neck hurts as well. Damn, last night must have been quite a session. My vision begins to clear and a naked back swims into focus. Phew! I breathe a sigh of relief from my aching lungs - at least the back is female. But wait, long blonde hair. Oh crap! I can now clearly see that the naked back belongs to a tanned, slim naked female body. My brunette wife is going to be a little nonplussed if and when she finds this out. Who did I do last night? I try to roll over to block out this guilt-inducing image but sheet sticks to my legs. Why? I reach down and my fingers meet the juncture of skin and cotton. It feels wet and sticky. I try to prise the sheet away from my body. I stop. Too painful. A deep breath and I rip it off, just like how mother taught me to remove sticky-plaster. It’s time to investigate the plumbing. As my weight transfers, I almost collapse from two simultaneous waves of discomfort; nausea from my stomach and blinding pain from my left knee. I hobble away from the bed, hoping the plumbing and pipes are not far away. I almost reach the door, before I trip, crashing to the floor. I look down to see the offending items – two muddy boots! Whoever lives here obviously doesn’t care much for cleanliness. There is movement from the bed: “Honey, come back to bed.” I freeze. “Honey?” I make like the Invisible Man. “Ben! What are you doing?” She knows my name. “Open your eyes, stupid!” I slowly open them to see my wife sitting up in bed. What looked blonde in the light, I now see is brown. “Get back here. You need to rest before this afternoon’s club bbq. Really, you’re getting soft. Eighty minutes, a couple of hits, and you completely go to pieces!” Posted in the F7s Matches forum in July 2009 The F7s is an article writing competition hosted on The Front Row forums here on LeagueUnlimited.com To join a team, click on the banner below  FOR ALL F7s MATCHES, CLICK HERE |
